femininity
Engagement Rant
I’d like to indulge myself in a post where I rant about my engagement…:)
So, my journey towards understanding femininity started a long time ago…I think I read Captivating by John and Staci Eldredge when I was 18 or so. After that, Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy. These books introduced me to the concept that femininity is even something TO strive to understand, attain. I mean, in our self-help culture, no one EVER tells you happiness is largely attained by connecting to the essence of your sex. Anyway, I also started reading Fascinating Womanhood long ago, and although I liked what I was reading, I only got through about a quarter of it before forgetting it completely.
I started rereading it perhaps a year ago, not even, and this time it really, really connected. Maybe it’s because I was getting older, and feeling more ready for a serious relationship. Or at least, to start preparing myself mentally, emotionally… Although, I really planned on being in a serious relationship in two or three years, not anytime soon. But life happens when you’ve made other plans…
So I started reading FW consistently, and I felt so motivated to change! No other self-help book not only inspired me, but gave SUCH concrete steps for me to take to change.
Now, honestly, I didn’t have an obvious transformation. Far from it. But amazingly, during this process, I met this guy. At first, there was no obvious chemistry; no spark, no love at first sight. Although there was always a very obvious comfort factor between us. Over time, hanging out with mutual friends, we both realized we loved each other’s company! And by the time I left (I was only staying in his city temporarily), we were extremely close…you could say we were in love, although we weren’t dating, and there was no intimacy or even touching between us. We missed each other so much!
It was a little after I left that he realized that for him, I was the “one”. One thing about this guy, when he knows what he wants, he WANTS it, and he never lets go of trying to get it! For example, he’s training to be in the Marines now, which is, as he says, “the most elite fighting force in human history.” And trust me, getting into the Marines is probably one of the most challenging undertakings possible. But it’s been his dream since he was young, and even though as I write this his body is bruised and beaten up from a weekend training program, he is more determined than ever to make it, whatever it takes. (How manly is that???XD)
Anyway…so in everything he said, I could tell he was wooing me! I won’t say details, in case something embarrasses him, but let’s just say…without being sexually suggestive, or blunt in his feelings for me, he won my heart. He won it through sharing about himself – his accomplishments, his goals, his values. He won it through his kindness and sensitivity toward me, his concerned desire to make it up to me when he’d hurt me or made me mad, his love for his family, and his family’s love for him. He won it through his patience for me – everything he ever said or did was within the boundaries of our relationship “zone”, even though he was so crazy about me and wanted to share everything, all his thoughts, feelings. He never rushed me.
Anyway, although it took only a short time for us to become engaged (eight months from the time I met him), I really feel God planned this. Well, I don’t believe in predestination (where God has everything figured out and we have no control), but I do believe God gives us people and situations that will allow us true, deep happiness, if we can see it and follow our hearts. Actually, it was my fiance who said something like this…he’s very wise too, for his age, I think.
Also, and this is a really big issue with me: both my fiance and I are abstinent. From a young age we determined to keep our purity for our one and only future significant other, and although I know some may think this “uncool” or “prudish” or whatever, I think it’s really romantic. Yeah, it was REALLY hard sometimes keeping my purity, but now I’m in a relationship with a guy I saved my beautiful gift for, and who SAVED HIMSELF FOR ME…how do you think that makes me feel??? LUCKY!!!XD And, because there was nothing sexual between us before our engagement, we know absolutely that our love for each other is not based on lust (although I’m very attracted to him;). And when we get married…well, our love will go to another level, let’s just say that;))
I’m really not condemning women who aren’t virgins, though. But I really do feel that purity is getting a bad rap, when it’s actually a key element in true trust and the most sacred, beautiful kind of romance. If you’re still a virgin – or even if you’re not a virgin, please…be strong and don’t give in to a guy until he pops you the question. And then until you actually tie the knot. Please! How else will you know a guy really, truly cares about you? If you are intimate before marriage, there is a chance he’ll propose to you (assuming you want marriage), like they always do in movies, but…if they’re getting sex from you freely, most guys won’t tie themselves down with marriage! Because they just don’t HAVE to to get what THEY want from a relationship! Honestly, ladies, marriage is very beneficial to WOMEN. I think men are more easily happy in commitment-free relationships, but women, deep in their hearts, need a mature man to promise commitment to her in order for her to feel truly safe and happy in a relationship. That’s what I believe. That’s what’s true for me, at least. I would never, EVER in a million years give my body to a guy who didn’t commit himself to me, no matter how sexy, charming, or whatever he is. Because it’s just TOO EASY for him to leave whenever he wants, with no strings attached…and that’s so stressful to me. It’s easier to not TRY AS HARD in a commitment-free relationship. A guy who wants to marry is basically saying, “I KNOW that sometimes it’ll be REALLY HARD to stay with you, but because a deeper part of me loves you so much, I want to bind us together forever. Even if I sometimes forget how much I love you, this commitment will remind me, and make it hard for me to just leave when the going gets tough.”
Anyway, so maybe sometime I’ll talk about me, and things I did, that I think contributed to my man falling in love with me, to help you out. Keep in mind that I did nothing manipulative, only tapped into my latent feminine powers! That, combined with my unique personality. And I would never have wanted so much to tap into my feminine powers if I hadn’t met such a masculine, mature, incredible guy…so really, tons of credit goes to him;p
*****
Also, here’s a really cute article I found! It’s called 11 animals that mate for life. To think, some animals are better at this than humans…
Currently Reading: Bad Childhood, Good Life (Dr. Laura Schlessinger)
