Personal Development
The Necessity of Beauty
I believe it’s actually wrong for a woman to frequently neglect her appearance, or frequently dress in any way that is unflattering, drab, masculine, distasteful, or (of course) slutty.
Why?
Women were given an incredible gift from God, a gift unique to our gender. It is powerful, gives joy, and heals.
This gift is beauty.
Beauty is possibly one of the most powerful things in the world, after love – if it can even be separated from love. In fact, life isn’t worth living without beauty. Think of nature: the sea, mountains, blue skies and starry nights, flower fields and tropical islands. Or art: music, dance, paintings, poetry. And yet, even more than these things, women are God’s cherry on top – his finishing touch, his aesthetic masterpiece, the most beautiful creation in the world. Beautiful women are such a powerful motivator that countless times in history, and in stories the world over, men have risked their lives to win or rescue beautiful damsels. Beautiful women are an even more powerful motivator for men than honor, prestige, acclaim, or money – and no, it is not just because men want sex. Also, a man truly in love would give up everything in the world for his woman.
And beauty affects not just men, but all people. When a woman embraces her beauty – and remember, true beauty combines a pure, loving heart with a feminine, comely appearance – her mere presence is a light to those around her. She will bring chivalry out in men, maturity and goodness out in children (in the form of respect), and hope and inspiration in other women. Her beauty can also help those in pain: think, for example, of the story of the wounded soldier who asked a nurse simply to apply lipstick in front of him, because the feminine beauty of this act made him peaceful.
The truth is, our beauty is not just a gift to us, or even our man – it is a gift to the world, and it is our RESPONSIBILITY to share this gift.
So, when a woman adopts an unattractive look, she makes herself a less influential person, is treated with less respect and sensitivity, and deprives herself and others of the joy that comes with reveling in her unique beauty.
Of course, outward beauty – a well-groomed, extremely feminine, pretty appearance – is NOTHING without a good character to go with it. However, sometimes you can work on yourself from the outside in. So if you know you need to improve your character – maybe you’re crass, a tom-boy, depressed, or something else unpleasant – try to look externally beautiful, even if you know it doesn’t 100% reflect who you are right now. Dress the way your IDEAL SELF would dress. You’ll slowly start to become that person because people will start perceiving and treating you as that person.
Another excuse many women use to not dress beautifully is to say that they were born too unattractive for beautiful attire and grooming to make much difference. How sad to live life as a woman and believe nothing you do will make you look or feel beautiful. Women were MADE to feel beautiful; this is our natural, ideal state of being. Some of the most awful times in my life have been when I felt extremely unattractive and undesirable, and I doubt I’m alone. This feeling is equivalent to, on the other end of the spectrum, a man feeling like a weak, incompetent failure.
The thing is, most of us NEVER WILL look as good as the women we see on magazine covers. Which means that if we want to view ourselves, and have others view us, as beautiful, we have to have the courage to REDEFINE beauty.
So look at yourself in the mirror, embrace who you are even if you and everyone else knows you aren’t a “classic beauty,” and show the world you don’t care. Show that you think you’re beautiful in your own way, and trust me: people will respect you MORE. Because not only will they see the beauty you see in yourself, but also your courage to defy cultural definitions of beauty and set your own. It always makes me so, so happy to see women who don’t fit the classic “beauty” ideal strutting their stuff in beautiful, feminine clothing. The curvy, full-figured woman whose feminine clothes fit her well and show off a feature she obviously loves, such as her cleavage; the flat-chested woman who wears a bikini with absolute confidence; the woman with braces who sports huge, happy smiles for photos; the older woman whose stylish clothes reflect her sass and love for life.
Effort is also a huge matter in beauty, and is sometimes all that’s required to look and feel more beautiful than we ever thought we could. My fiance finds me so beautiful – the reality is, I work HARD to be beautiful for him! I wasn’t born a model, and my face is pretty plain (to me, anyway:P). But I put time into building a wardrobe full of pretty, feminine clothes I feel good in, time into doing my hair and at least a little bit of makeup almost daily. Sometimes I don’t feel like it, but I think of these things as essential now as I do brushing and flossing my teeth. So please, don’t believe you could never look beautiful, that the time and effort would be pointless. Most women are not so unattractive that effort can’t make them beautiful to at least some men. And many women that you think are extremely gorgeous, or at least prettier than you, may not necessarily be. Just search “make-up-free celebrities,” for one. And really, makeup and a nice wardrobe can go SO FAR in influencing how beautiful a person perceives you – I’ve been told I’m prettier than someone I KNOW is actually genetically prettier than me, but because I put more effort into my appearance than that person, I was perceived as prettier.
And because I work to be as pretty as I can, it upsets me when women feel disdain towards other women for being “prettier” than them. I could easily be unattractive if I let myself go; in fact, I’d even say about 50% of my beauty comes from effort. If I let myself go – wore baggy clothes, hardly bothered with my hair, never wore makeup – people wouldn’t look twice at me. Trust me, I’ve been there. But, like all things in life, the best things don’t come easily. I’m proud of how far I’ve come: from a frizzy-haired, sad-looking, oversized sweater-wearing teen with no self esteem, to a stylish, feminine, happily-engaged woman with much more confidence. It didn’t just HAPPEN, it took years of effort.
So ladies, please: care about and take great pride in your appearance. Wear flattering clothing that shows off your beautiful, feminine curves. Wear beautiful colors, feminine articles like dresses, pretty shoes, jewelry. Always look appropriate and never degrade yourself or our gender by revealing too much skin, getting excessive tattoos or piercings, or adopting a strange, distasteful look.
Your beauty MATTERS. It affects others’ moods, the way you are perceived and treated, and the way you feel about yourself. So dig deep, to not only find your inner beauty, but turn it into outer beauty.
What do you think?
Hope this helps!
Love,
Masaleen
Are You REALLY Introverted?
If you’re sometimes or often shy and, partly because of this, label yourself an “introvert,” I challenge you to face the possibility that your true self is much, much more extroverted than it is now – and that maybe you’re NOT an introvert at all.
First, honestly ask yourself: “If I had NO FEARS, NO INSECURITIES, and NO SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS…would I be more extroverted?” In my experience, insecurities and fears have a tendency to hold us back – to hold us back from expressing our true emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and our personality in general.
Extroverted does NOT mean you talk a lot, seek attention, or that you constantly go to parties, social events, etc.
In MY definition, extroverted means:
- You don’t hold back from striking up conversations – with strangers, coworkers, classmates, the cashier, etc. You not only don’t hold back, but you may often feel a strong desire to connect to people, to have pleasant exchanges. Or at least to to connect through greetings (“Hello, how are you?”), eye contact, smiling, joking and laughing, etc.
- You are comfortable around people. You may not allow people to automatically know you on a deep level, but small talk with almost anyone is comfortable for you. You never rebuff anyone’s approach (unless someone is possibly dangerous, perverted, drunk, etc.), but welcome the company of people of all ages, genders, beliefs, backgrounds, “social status”, etc.
- You love to express yourself. Not because you crave attention, but because you authentically love who you are and want to share it with others. You express your opinion in conversations when it’s appropriate, welcome, and will enrich the conversation. You express yourself by laughing when you find something funny – even if no one else is laughing! You express yourself by showing many different emotions and moods whenever they come up, and not by holding back or hiding behind a mask (although certain moods should never be shown because they are ugly/hurtful/etc. and if you have these often, you need to work on your internal self!). You have so many different sides to you that no one can ever pin you down! You can also express yourself through your clothes, dancing, writing, room decor – you can find ways to express yourself in ANY area! You never hold back from allowing people to see your colors, your uniqueness, although of course, you never shove it in anyone’s face because you don’t NEED people to notice it.
- You don’t worry about what people think. If you did, you’d always be second-guessing yourself, and you’d NEVER really be fun and free! Maybe this means you go out on the dance floor and bust a move, because it’s FUN to dance, and who cares if you’re not good! Or maybe you’re taking care of a child, and you just play along, whether it’s house, dress-up, water-balloon fighting, or drawing with chalk on the sidewalk – even if your neighbors can see you! Cynical adults especially might find you ridiculous, but THEY’RE not the ones living fun, happy lives!
Of course there are values to introversion, and you may be more introverted than extroverted. To like to be alone, listen to your deep, inner thoughts, read, etc.- these activities are normal and healthy in everyone. However, I believe introversion is a largely misunderstood and misconscrued concept that some people use to justify being anti-social, socially awkward, emotionally distant, and just not that INVOLVED in life and with people.
Even if you are naturally quiet, even-tempered, mellow, and love the company of just yourself – this does NOT mean there is no extroverted nature in you, or that you have some excuse as far as being socially awkward or any of the things I just mentioned. EVERYONE should love the company of people in general, even if you love being by yourself more. And, like I mentioned before, extroversion is not about being loud or talkative. If you say you don’t like the company of people because people are stupid, mean, shallow, etc, then you might want either want to move, make new friends, or most likely, look at yourself in the mirror and ask if YOU aren’t the stupid, mean, shallow one. This arrogant attitude screams that you could stand to be friendlier, and more patient and accepting.
All people are both extroverted and introverted. An extreme tendency to only be one or the other indicates a strong possibility of partial self-denial. For example, if someone said to me, “That guys is really, really introverted,” I’d think he’s not really an emotionally healthy individual, able to make friends and enjoy life. I believe most people are MUCH, MUCH more extroverted in their true form than they will admit, and that consciously TRYING to be more outgoing is a step to a healthier, happier, and more exciting life.
Especially to those of you who are getting a little “bored” with life – I DARE you to be a little more outgoing than usual. To strike up a random conversation, to wear that beautiful dress that might turn heads, to let yourself get noticed. You probably won’t even get noticed as much as you think you will!! Not that you’re not interesting or beautiful, but what’s crazy for you is probably hardly mind-blowing for others, compared to the things they’ve seen! There are LOTS of strange, unique people in this world – stop with the excuse that people will find you “too weird” or “too uncomfortable” with the change! YOU’RE the one who’s scared to see yourself change, not them! And if they are, boy do they need to get a life or what!;D The change doesn’t have to be outrageous, just a little out of your comfort zone. You’ll feel scared at first, but then you’ll kind of like the thrill, the rush – maybe even get addicted to it – and then you’ll slowly gain confidence in yourself as you realize you can handle more than you thought. To be bored in life means that you’re not as ENGAGED in it as much as you should be, most likely because you’ve been acting too “introverted,” consumed in your own world, emotions, thoughts. You need to connect to the flowing, vibrant, positive energy that is all around you. And you can only connect to it through connecting with PEOPLE.;) And, of course, the happier and more positive those people that you connect with are, the higher the energy you will experience.
I’ll admit this post is as much for me as for you! For most of my youth I was overly-introverted, and becoming more socially comfortable has been a lot of work. But it pays off, and I’m becoming more open, confident, and positive every day. The best times in my life have been when I had the courage to step out of my friends’ and family’s shadows and SHOWN myself! When you do this, you’re really telling the world, “I love myself!” And then most people will look at you and think, “Wow, I really like her too!” I’ve made many friends and gotten a lot of respect when I was brave enough to really show myself, imperfections and all:) Although I love being quiet and reflective, and would probably still consider myself more introverted than extroverted (since, according to Jung, the fact that I “recharge” by being alone, rather than by hanging out with people, makes me introverted), I’m more and more coming out of my shell and feeling proud of myself.
So, for those of us who’ve been a little shy and quiet most of our lives, let’s really work on tapping into our courageous, “this is me,” outgoing side, and enrich our lives.:)
Paradoxically….in a future post I will address the value of silence and introversion!;)
Hope this helps:)
Love,
Masaleen
*****
Currently Reading: The Case for Marriage (Linda Waite, Maggie Gallagher); Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Lives (Dr. Laura Schlessinger)
Blogroll
