Are You REALLY Introverted?
If you’re sometimes or often shy and, partly because of this, label yourself an “introvert,” I challenge you to face the possibility that your true self is much, much more extroverted than it is now – and that maybe you’re NOT an introvert at all.
First, honestly ask yourself: “If I had NO FEARS, NO INSECURITIES, and NO SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS…would I be more extroverted?” In my experience, insecurities and fears have a tendency to hold us back – to hold us back from expressing our true emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and our personality in general.
Extroverted does NOT mean you talk a lot, seek attention, or that you constantly go to parties, social events, etc.
In MY definition, extroverted means:
- You don’t hold back from striking up conversations – with strangers, coworkers, classmates, the cashier, etc. You not only don’t hold back, but you may often feel a strong desire to connect to people, to have pleasant exchanges. Or at least to to connect through greetings (“Hello, how are you?”), eye contact, smiling, joking and laughing, etc.
- You are comfortable around people. You may not allow people to automatically know you on a deep level, but small talk with almost anyone is comfortable for you. You never rebuff anyone’s approach (unless someone is possibly dangerous, perverted, drunk, etc.), but welcome the company of people of all ages, genders, beliefs, backgrounds, “social status”, etc.
- You love to express yourself. Not because you crave attention, but because you authentically love who you are and want to share it with others. You express your opinion in conversations when it’s appropriate, welcome, and will enrich the conversation. You express yourself by laughing when you find something funny – even if no one else is laughing! You express yourself by showing many different emotions and moods whenever they come up, and not by holding back or hiding behind a mask (although certain moods should never be shown because they are ugly/hurtful/etc. and if you have these often, you need to work on your internal self!). You have so many different sides to you that no one can ever pin you down! You can also express yourself through your clothes, dancing, writing, room decor – you can find ways to express yourself in ANY area! You never hold back from allowing people to see your colors, your uniqueness, although of course, you never shove it in anyone’s face because you don’t NEED people to notice it.
- You don’t worry about what people think. If you did, you’d always be second-guessing yourself, and you’d NEVER really be fun and free! Maybe this means you go out on the dance floor and bust a move, because it’s FUN to dance, and who cares if you’re not good! Or maybe you’re taking care of a child, and you just play along, whether it’s house, dress-up, water-balloon fighting, or drawing with chalk on the sidewalk – even if your neighbors can see you! Cynical adults especially might find you ridiculous, but THEY’RE not the ones living fun, happy lives!
Of course there are values to introversion, and you may be more introverted than extroverted. To like to be alone, listen to your deep, inner thoughts, read, etc.- these activities are normal and healthy in everyone. However, I believe introversion is a largely misunderstood and misconscrued concept that some people use to justify being anti-social, socially awkward, emotionally distant, and just not that INVOLVED in life and with people.
Even if you are naturally quiet, even-tempered, mellow, and love the company of just yourself – this does NOT mean there is no extroverted nature in you, or that you have some excuse as far as being socially awkward or any of the things I just mentioned. EVERYONE should love the company of people in general, even if you love being by yourself more. And, like I mentioned before, extroversion is not about being loud or talkative. If you say you don’t like the company of people because people are stupid, mean, shallow, etc, then you might want either want to move, make new friends, or most likely, look at yourself in the mirror and ask if YOU aren’t the stupid, mean, shallow one. This arrogant attitude screams that you could stand to be friendlier, and more patient and accepting.
All people are both extroverted and introverted. An extreme tendency to only be one or the other indicates a strong possibility of partial self-denial. For example, if someone said to me, “That guys is really, really introverted,” I’d think he’s not really an emotionally healthy individual, able to make friends and enjoy life. I believe most people are MUCH, MUCH more extroverted in their true form than they will admit, and that consciously TRYING to be more outgoing is a step to a healthier, happier, and more exciting life.
Especially to those of you who are getting a little “bored” with life – I DARE you to be a little more outgoing than usual. To strike up a random conversation, to wear that beautiful dress that might turn heads, to let yourself get noticed. You probably won’t even get noticed as much as you think you will!! Not that you’re not interesting or beautiful, but what’s crazy for you is probably hardly mind-blowing for others, compared to the things they’ve seen! There are LOTS of strange, unique people in this world – stop with the excuse that people will find you “too weird” or “too uncomfortable” with the change! YOU’RE the one who’s scared to see yourself change, not them! And if they are, boy do they need to get a life or what!;D The change doesn’t have to be outrageous, just a little out of your comfort zone. You’ll feel scared at first, but then you’ll kind of like the thrill, the rush – maybe even get addicted to it – and then you’ll slowly gain confidence in yourself as you realize you can handle more than you thought. To be bored in life means that you’re not as ENGAGED in it as much as you should be, most likely because you’ve been acting too “introverted,” consumed in your own world, emotions, thoughts. You need to connect to the flowing, vibrant, positive energy that is all around you. And you can only connect to it through connecting with PEOPLE.;) And, of course, the happier and more positive those people that you connect with are, the higher the energy you will experience.
I’ll admit this post is as much for me as for you! For most of my youth I was overly-introverted, and becoming more socially comfortable has been a lot of work. But it pays off, and I’m becoming more open, confident, and positive every day. The best times in my life have been when I had the courage to step out of my friends’ and family’s shadows and SHOWN myself! When you do this, you’re really telling the world, “I love myself!” And then most people will look at you and think, “Wow, I really like her too!” I’ve made many friends and gotten a lot of respect when I was brave enough to really show myself, imperfections and all:) Although I love being quiet and reflective, and would probably still consider myself more introverted than extroverted (since, according to Jung, the fact that I “recharge” by being alone, rather than by hanging out with people, makes me introverted), I’m more and more coming out of my shell and feeling proud of myself.
So, for those of us who’ve been a little shy and quiet most of our lives, let’s really work on tapping into our courageous, “this is me,” outgoing side, and enrich our lives.:)
Paradoxically….in a future post I will address the value of silence and introversion!;)
Hope this helps:)
Love,
Masaleen
*****
Currently Reading: The Case for Marriage (Linda Waite, Maggie Gallagher); Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Lives (Dr. Laura Schlessinger)
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4 Comments to Are You REALLY Introverted?
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Wow! Thanks so much for sharing these insights!
I’m very glad you made ‘bulletpoint’ #3, because I really need to work on that! I never considered what self-expression really was for. Any type of art I did, I have problems with, because I always felt like it’s not good enough. I never realized the implications, you just helped me so much.
I really agree with you that introversion is often just social anxiety/fear.
But also the opposite is true: you shouldn’t have to prove yourself by being too outgoing. Overly asserting yourself can lead to estrangement and you shouldn’t need others to validate your self-worth.
I’m very glad you posted again! This is great stuff, thank you!
Thank you Stefanie! It’s so heartwarming to hear I’ve helped someone. And yes, the opposite is very true, too! That’s why a future post will address being “too” outgoing, i.e. not understanding the value of silence, listening, and knowing who you are even if others don’t/can’t see it.
Thank you for encouraging me!
Great idea for a post Masaleen! And your blog looks so pretty. I’m glad it’s up again!
Renee.
-XxX-
Thank you Renee!