Archive for June, 2010
The Reality Of External Beauty
[The gorgeous women in this post's corresponding banner - Britney Spears, Rihanna, Jennifer Aniston, and Halle Berry - have all either been dumped, cheated on, divorced, and/or physically abused.]
Recently, Yahoo! shared an article called, Why Beauties Get Cheated On Big Time! To be honest, I was glad to see this. Why? Not because, out of jealousy, thinking about the pain of these women gives me sick pleasure. They’re real women with real feelings. No…it’s because we live in a culture that usually tells women, “If you looked this good, you’d be HAPPY! Every man would want you, and you’d get the guy of your dreams and he’d never leave!”
But the truth is, just being beautiful obviously does not guarantee keeping a man.
If all you want is to GET a man, great! But I can’t guarantee you’ll get a good man, and I can almost guarantee you won’t KEEP any man.
Ladies, is: STOP OBSESSING about being beautiful! Because EVEN IF YOU CAN BECOME AS BEAUTIFUL AS A CELEBRITY, YOU ARE NOT GUARANTEED WHAT YOU’RE REALLY SEEKING: A LOVING, LASTING RELATIONSHIP.
There are much, much more effective steps you can take to basically guarantee you’ll get and keep an amazing man, and none fall under the category of “looking perfect.” Looking pretty is part of it, yes, but not looking “celebrity perfect”, if you know what I mean.
Ladies! Do you think gorgeous female celebrities have the best romantic lives?? Time and time again, we’ve heard about celebrities hooking up, breaking up, hooking up again, and breaking up again…ladies, this is NOT romantic. This is painful. This is sad. I know some of you look up to these women – they’re smart, successful, strong, sassy, sexy, desirable to men…but when it comes to love, they really don’t know much more than you. Maybe less. When it comes to true love, theirs is NOT the footsteps to follow in, unless you want your life to be filled with as much insecurity, short, shallow relationships, and painful breakups as theirs are.
Maybe I’m not being fair by clumping all female celebrities into one, as if they all act the same and have the same problems. Some are worth looking up to. Like:
Jada Pinkett Smith: Married to Will Smith for 11 years
Faith Hill: Married to Tim McGraw for 13 years
Michelle Pfeiffer: Married to David E. Kelley for 15 years
Joanne Woodward: Married to Paul Newman for 50 years!!
But honestly, the famous women many ladies, especially young women, want to be like, and especially want to LOOK like, are the extremely provocative women like Gisele Bundchen, Rihanna, Jennifer Lopez, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, Halle Berry, Kim Kardashian, Meagan Fox, Lindsay Lohan, etc.
And yet, a lot of these women are getting dumped over and over again, marrying and divorcing, even getting physically abused. Some are/were anorexic, bulimic, alchoholic, etc. Realistically, these women go through as much pain in love and life as you and me, maybe even MORE, even though/because they’re so beautiful. To be happy in the realm of romantic love, you need to LEARN about love, about the psychology and basic, differing needs of men and women. And really cultivate a beautiful CHARACTER, which is something that will last, unlike a young, hot body. And even the beautiful women who seem to be in a happy relationship now (Angelina Jolie, Gisele Gundchen), who knows what will happen in one, five, ten years? The record of Hollywood couples staying together is EXTREMELY slim. Some you think will stay together, but suddenly it’s over! Reese Witherspoon and Sandra Bullock got cheated on (I think for these two it’s mostly because they picked the WRONG guys, but it is also possible that even though they were good women, they didn’t understand enough the feminine art of love, seduction, and charm, or about men), JLO was married for 8 months, Renee Zellweger for 4 months, Drew Barrymore 30 days. Elizabeth Taylor has been married 8 times, and she’s sometimes considered one of the most beautiful women of all time. Marilyn Monroe married 3 times; her death was most likely suicide, at the age of 36 when she was STILL YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL. Princess Diana was SO BEAUTIFUL….but Prince Charles didn’t even love her.
Yes, this is all sad, but it makes you think twice about the value of external beauty. So if you think being incredibly beautiful will make you happy, and you’re extremely focused on it…what does it mean?
First of all, it means you’re brainwashed. You’ve let media define for you what’s important, what will make you happy, without taking a closer look at reality.
Second, it probably means you’re not ready for a REAL relationship. You’re ready to have steamy sex with hot guys who will boost your ego, but you’re not ready for real heart-connection.
Third, it means you’re scared. You’re scared of responsibility. You’re scared of hard work. You’re scared of changing. Because what’s ACTUALLY harder? Working out, putting on makeup, and donning a sexy dress and heels – OR looking inside of yourself, facing your character flaws and childhood fears, and taking steps to become a new human being, a person of real depth and character?
If you want to be externally beautiful, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s natural and healthy for a woman to want to look beautiful! But, DON’T BECOME OBSESSED WITH LOOKING LIKE A CELEBRITY. Focus, instead, on having a unique, loving personality, and on being a wholesome, healthy beautiful. The latter meaning, don’t undereat (being so skinny that you can’t even get your period…how unfeminine and sickly is that??), don’t overeat, stay flexible, strong, and alert, don’t do ANY kind of plastic surgery and the like EVER, and if you want a tan, go in the SUN, not to fake tanning beds (I personally don’t believe the sun is bad for you, even though doctors have recently been drilling into everyone how dangerous and cancer-causing it is – God CREATED the sun, it’s not evil; plus, it gives you vitamin D; but this is my opinion). Guys love to ogle curvy, lean, busty, beautiful, and yes, even “fake beautiful” women (forgive them, it’s in their biological makeup to at least NOTICE these women), and maybe want to sleep with them, but never do they want to marry her if that’s all she can offer (unless he’s a dummy, and anyway it won’t last long, will it?). And the best guys don’t even want to sleep with her because the best guys have standards. Like waiting for a real, lovely, healthy (in every way) girl he can commit his whole heart and life to. So which girl do you want to be?
Before I conclude, I need to add that being drop-dead gorgeous does NOT mean you CAN’T have a beautiful, sincere, deep love life! There are thousands of beautiful women who could be or are models, but who are also very down-to-earth, humble, genuine, and kind. So this post is in no way about putting down beautiful women, or about saying they’re all shallow types with an inability to develop true, lasting love. The women I’ve mentioned here aren’t necessarily this way. This post is only about proving that external beauty ALONE absolutely cannot guarantee winning and keeping a good man, and that for true romantic happiness there are more important things to focus on.
I hope this helps!
Love,
Masaleen
P.S.: There is an entertaining show out now called True Beauty, where runway-worthy contestants think they’re being judged to see who will become the “Face of Vegas,” but actually they’re being judged for their INNER beauty. Clever, huh?;)
*****
Currently reading: The Act of Marriage (Tim & Beverly LaHaye)
Are You REALLY Introverted?
If you’re sometimes or often shy and, partly because of this, label yourself an “introvert,” I challenge you to face the possibility that your true self is much, much more extroverted than it is now – and that maybe you’re NOT an introvert at all.
First, honestly ask yourself: “If I had NO FEARS, NO INSECURITIES, and NO SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS…would I be more extroverted?” In my experience, insecurities and fears have a tendency to hold us back – to hold us back from expressing our true emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and our personality in general.
Extroverted does NOT mean you talk a lot, seek attention, or that you constantly go to parties, social events, etc.
In MY definition, extroverted means:
- You don’t hold back from striking up conversations – with strangers, coworkers, classmates, the cashier, etc. You not only don’t hold back, but you may often feel a strong desire to connect to people, to have pleasant exchanges. Or at least to to connect through greetings (“Hello, how are you?”), eye contact, smiling, joking and laughing, etc.
- You are comfortable around people. You may not allow people to automatically know you on a deep level, but small talk with almost anyone is comfortable for you. You never rebuff anyone’s approach (unless someone is possibly dangerous, perverted, drunk, etc.), but welcome the company of people of all ages, genders, beliefs, backgrounds, “social status”, etc.
- You love to express yourself. Not because you crave attention, but because you authentically love who you are and want to share it with others. You express your opinion in conversations when it’s appropriate, welcome, and will enrich the conversation. You express yourself by laughing when you find something funny – even if no one else is laughing! You express yourself by showing many different emotions and moods whenever they come up, and not by holding back or hiding behind a mask (although certain moods should never be shown because they are ugly/hurtful/etc. and if you have these often, you need to work on your internal self!). You have so many different sides to you that no one can ever pin you down! You can also express yourself through your clothes, dancing, writing, room decor – you can find ways to express yourself in ANY area! You never hold back from allowing people to see your colors, your uniqueness, although of course, you never shove it in anyone’s face because you don’t NEED people to notice it.
- You don’t worry about what people think. If you did, you’d always be second-guessing yourself, and you’d NEVER really be fun and free! Maybe this means you go out on the dance floor and bust a move, because it’s FUN to dance, and who cares if you’re not good! Or maybe you’re taking care of a child, and you just play along, whether it’s house, dress-up, water-balloon fighting, or drawing with chalk on the sidewalk – even if your neighbors can see you! Cynical adults especially might find you ridiculous, but THEY’RE not the ones living fun, happy lives!
Of course there are values to introversion, and you may be more introverted than extroverted. To like to be alone, listen to your deep, inner thoughts, read, etc.- these activities are normal and healthy in everyone. However, I believe introversion is a largely misunderstood and misconscrued concept that some people use to justify being anti-social, socially awkward, emotionally distant, and just not that INVOLVED in life and with people.
Even if you are naturally quiet, even-tempered, mellow, and love the company of just yourself – this does NOT mean there is no extroverted nature in you, or that you have some excuse as far as being socially awkward or any of the things I just mentioned. EVERYONE should love the company of people in general, even if you love being by yourself more. And, like I mentioned before, extroversion is not about being loud or talkative. If you say you don’t like the company of people because people are stupid, mean, shallow, etc, then you might want either want to move, make new friends, or most likely, look at yourself in the mirror and ask if YOU aren’t the stupid, mean, shallow one. This arrogant attitude screams that you could stand to be friendlier, and more patient and accepting.
All people are both extroverted and introverted. An extreme tendency to only be one or the other indicates a strong possibility of partial self-denial. For example, if someone said to me, “That guys is really, really introverted,” I’d think he’s not really an emotionally healthy individual, able to make friends and enjoy life. I believe most people are MUCH, MUCH more extroverted in their true form than they will admit, and that consciously TRYING to be more outgoing is a step to a healthier, happier, and more exciting life.
Especially to those of you who are getting a little “bored” with life – I DARE you to be a little more outgoing than usual. To strike up a random conversation, to wear that beautiful dress that might turn heads, to let yourself get noticed. You probably won’t even get noticed as much as you think you will!! Not that you’re not interesting or beautiful, but what’s crazy for you is probably hardly mind-blowing for others, compared to the things they’ve seen! There are LOTS of strange, unique people in this world – stop with the excuse that people will find you “too weird” or “too uncomfortable” with the change! YOU’RE the one who’s scared to see yourself change, not them! And if they are, boy do they need to get a life or what!;D The change doesn’t have to be outrageous, just a little out of your comfort zone. You’ll feel scared at first, but then you’ll kind of like the thrill, the rush – maybe even get addicted to it – and then you’ll slowly gain confidence in yourself as you realize you can handle more than you thought. To be bored in life means that you’re not as ENGAGED in it as much as you should be, most likely because you’ve been acting too “introverted,” consumed in your own world, emotions, thoughts. You need to connect to the flowing, vibrant, positive energy that is all around you. And you can only connect to it through connecting with PEOPLE.;) And, of course, the happier and more positive those people that you connect with are, the higher the energy you will experience.
I’ll admit this post is as much for me as for you! For most of my youth I was overly-introverted, and becoming more socially comfortable has been a lot of work. But it pays off, and I’m becoming more open, confident, and positive every day. The best times in my life have been when I had the courage to step out of my friends’ and family’s shadows and SHOWN myself! When you do this, you’re really telling the world, “I love myself!” And then most people will look at you and think, “Wow, I really like her too!” I’ve made many friends and gotten a lot of respect when I was brave enough to really show myself, imperfections and all:) Although I love being quiet and reflective, and would probably still consider myself more introverted than extroverted (since, according to Jung, the fact that I “recharge” by being alone, rather than by hanging out with people, makes me introverted), I’m more and more coming out of my shell and feeling proud of myself.
So, for those of us who’ve been a little shy and quiet most of our lives, let’s really work on tapping into our courageous, “this is me,” outgoing side, and enrich our lives.:)
Paradoxically….in a future post I will address the value of silence and introversion!;)
Hope this helps:)
Love,
Masaleen
*****
Currently Reading: The Case for Marriage (Linda Waite, Maggie Gallagher); Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Lives (Dr. Laura Schlessinger)
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