Girly Goddess

Twilight: healthy or unhealthy?  True romance, or pure deception?  A good study into femininity, or nonsense?

I’d like to give my two cents on this pop-culture phenomenon sweeping the world of young women, simply because of its strength of influence.

In my opinion, the Twilight series is unhealthy, shallow, deceptive nonsense.

I recently read a feminist article criticizing Fascinating Womanhood (nothing surprising there) and how Bella from Twilight is a perfect example of all that F.W. teaches.  Here is what it said:

“[Bella] has the pixie-dream-girl part down pat, what with her accident-prone fragility, her halting speech, her separateness from others, and her inability to participate in what most of the world knows as reality. And the extent to which the relationship between human Bella and vampire Edward depends on her childlike weakness—and his power to simultaneously threaten and protect her—is one of the more striking aspects of the series.”

Um, hello?  This is not what F.W. teaches.  Where did this author get that from?  F.W. teaches women to be graceful (not “accident-prone”), a smooth conversationalist (not have “halting speech”), and to love, serve, and be generous to your family as well as those outside your family (not to have “separateness from others” or an “inability to participate in what most of the world knows as reality”).

I personally believe Bella is so far from being a fascinating woman, and that the romance between her and the unrealistic, “perfect” Edward so fake and shallow, that when I read Twilight, I COULDN’T BELIEVE HOW POPULAR IT WAS.  I felt like I was reading manga-porn-turned-teenage-novel.  The recurring thought I had was, “What has our society come to, that young women think this is beautiful, heart-melting romance?“  Disappointment in our young women is too weak a word to describe my feeling in regards to the popularity of this series.

* If you love the books/movies, please don’t be offended.  This is just my view.  I would, however, advise you on being very clear about the unrealistic-ness of the story, and not to let ideas about such flawless romance between two very immature, flawed people affect your own REAL relationships with REAL men. *

To me, the character Bella promotes neither feminists nor anti-feminists.  Bella is a terrible role model for young women, as she has low self-esteem, is moody/depressed (except when Edward is around and giving her his full attention), socially awkward, emotionally needy, humorless, and a host of other unpleasant things.  But guess what?  SHE GETS THE HOT GUY!  She gets the handsome, smart, strong, caring (immortal, lightning-fast, sparkly…) guy…and how?  By smelling good.  Wait, what was that?  She smelled good, you mean, she wore nice perfume? Nope – her physical makeup, her chemistry, her blood, smelled irresistible to the vampire Edward.

You’ve got to be kidding. Girls fall for this?  Girls fall for romance where a guy falls in love with the girl because she “smelled irresistible”?

I can’t comprehend it.  It’s so shallow to me.  Stephanie Meyer may as well be telling girls outright: “You can be plain-looking, physically and socially awkward, hate yourself and your life – but you can get the nice, hot guy all the girls want!”

Please, please ladies, don’t fall for this.  Stories like this will only eventually depress you, as you, in all your many imperfections, will longingly wonder why your perfect “Edward” hasn’t come along and swept you off your feet yet.

It is CHALLENGING to follow F.W. because it is CHALLENGING to work to become a fascinating woman.  That’s why girls want to believe in stories like Twilight, where the female character didn’t have to be a fascinating woman to have a passionate romance.  But Twilight is fiction.  In real life, the amazing, perfect guy won’t fall for a girl like Bella, because he deserves and wants better.   So lay down (or if you haven’t read them, don’t read) these books and all books that have such shallow romance, and instead work to become a princess who can create her own REAL LIFE fairy tale.   Fairy tales, and happily-ever-afters, can come true if you become the princess.  This is the key.

To leave on a positive note, it’s possibly fair to say Bella at least has some redeeming qualities.  She admires Edward as a strong, manly man, and awakens in him a feeling of protectiveness.  Her character is more soft than hard.  But who wouldn’t admire Edward (here I’m personally not talking about Robert Pattinson, sorry, not a fan), and how could a girl who almost breaks a bone with every step not awaken feelings of protectiveness in a guy?  Oh but wait, he abandoned her in the middle of a forest to fend for herself overnight…hmmm…And “soft”, taken too far, can mean weakness of character (in this case it usually does).  Maybe this wasn’t a very positive note…

Anyway, I hope I’ve made a fair point about Twilight. I would love to hear your opinion too, and welcome you to comment.  If you loved it, why?  If you hated it, why?  What do you think of it in relation to F.W./femininity?

Ladies, do you often look in the mirror and hate what you see? Do you tell yourself, “If only my stomach was flatter/my thighs thinner/my boobs bigger/etc. THEN I’d be happy with my body”?  Deep inside, do you wish you were 5′ 9″ and 110 lbs, or looked as hot as Jessica Alba in a bikini?

Ladies, this is the road to misery, and it KILLS your natural sexiness!  What you need is to stop focusing on the images displayed by Hollywood, runways, and billboards and stop comparing yourself to them. This isn’t easy because everywhere you look, every TV show that’s on, shows these kinds of young, slender women. But there is a TV show for REAL WOMEN that can help you transform your view of your body from an ugly, shameful “thing” to a more-than-adequate, beautiful, sexy treasure!  Whether you are 60, plus-sized, rail-thin, or 4′ 9″ – this show will inspire you to stop excessive and unnecessary dieting/surgery/self-loathing, etc., love what you’ve got, and learn how to flaunt the best of your body so you look and feel SEXY.

It’s called “How to Look Good Naked,” and it changed my life.

It’s hosted by Carson Kressley, a hilarious, high-energy guy who obviously loves and respects women and who’s passion is to help women see their beauty.  His incredible ability to help women push aside media’s depictions of the “perfect” body, and to help them see that what’s in front of them is already beautiful, consistently heals deep wounds in every woman who comes on the show.

I highly, highly recommend all women who struggle to love their bodies to watch this show.  It is a breath of fresh air and authenticity that is extremely rare in reality shows these days, and will mentally and emotionally help you fight off all the lies society throws at you about “ideal” beauty.

Here’s a sample clip of the show to see if you might like it.  The entire first & second season can be viewed here: www.mylifetime.com/shows/how-to-look-good-naked/video

(Oh, and if you think it’s only for people who struggle with feeling overweight, trust me, it’s not!  There are skinny women on the show too who intensely struggle with feeling TOO skinny, as well as women with other body issues like feeling too short, etc.)

” Before the beginning of time, I knew you. I knew what colour your eyes would be, and I could hear the sound of your laughter. Like a proud father who carries a picture of his daughter, I carried the image of you in My eyes, for you were created in My image Before the beginning of time, I chose you. I spoke your name into the heavens and I smiled as its melody resounded off the walls of My heart.

You are mine. My love for you extends farther than the stars in the sky and deeper than any ocean. You are my Pearl of great price, the one for whom I gave everything. I cradle you in the palm of my hand. I love you even in the face of failure. Nothing you say or do can cause me to stop loving you. I am relentless in My pursuit of you. Run from Me – I will love you. Spurn me – I will love you. Reject yourself – I will love you. You see, My love for you was slain before the foundations of the world and I have never regretted the sacrifice I made for you at Calvary.

When I see every part of who you are, I marvel at the work of My hands, for I whispered words of longing and desire and you came into existence. You are beautiful, and I take pleasure in you- heart, mind and body. You are my desire. When you turn your head in shame and despise what I have made, still I reach for you with gentle passion. You are My beloved and I am yours. ”

An author’s adaptation from 1 John 3:2; Isaiah 43:1; Matthew 13:46; Ephesians 1:4; Revelation 13:8; Psalm 194:4; Song of Solomon 7:10; 6:3).

“Who calls me Beautiful?” by Regina Franklin

I am currently at an in-between stage of my life, living on my mom’s friends’ farm while looking for a job in Texas so I can get an apartment.

Farm life is NOT feminine.

At first I dressed nicely, but as the people here have me helping out more and more in their garden, kitchen, etc. it’s just impractical!  I can’t because my nice clothes would get ruined.  So I’m forced to wear t-shirts, and extremely minimal makeup if any; I’m tired, smell like dogs, and wear my hair up constantly.  This is the biggest struggle I’ve faced since determining to become feminine.

Maybe I’m meant to use this time to find in me a femininity that goes beyond what I look like, smell like, or do.  But it’s been r e a l l y  h a r d.  Even reading my favorite femininity blogs don’t make me as excited as they used to, I think because I feel like it’s hard to apply them here.  I’m far from civilization and the people here seem to care for feminine women about as much as they care about McDonalds or Brad Pitt.

It’s hard not to feel only as valuable as the amount of physical work I accomplish.  And as I’m not nor ever HAVE been a very physical person (never played a sport), I’m a bit miserable.  I don’t understand feminist women who want the right to do all things men do, including very labor-intensive things.  Personally, I’d rather be sitting around at home sewing and baking cakes than doing this kind of stuff any day.

Anyway, if I can be a fascinating, feminine woman while working on a farm wearing mud-covered t-shirts, no makeup, and smelling like dogs…imagine me when I CAN wear my girly clothes, my hair down, my makeup on, feel clean…being feminine and feeling beautiful would be a p i e c e o f c a k e.

If you have any encouragement or advice for me, I’d love to hear it!  Now is when I need my lady supporters more than ever.

As followers of Fascinating Womanhood understand, God created men and women to be very different – opposites, in fact.  Complementary, but opposite.

Many people take this to mean men = strong, women = weak.  This is so silly!

In fact, the truth is this:

Men are steel on the outside, and velvet on the inside.

Women are velvet on the outside, and steel on the inside.

There is a lot more depth to this, and in a sense it’s applicable vice-versa too, but it’s a very basic truth.  A man should, and wants to, in public view be very steel; but when he’s alone with his lovely wife, he just melts.  Also, a man is actually much, much more sensitive than he appears on the outside, at least as far as his ego.  A true woman, in public view, seems only soft, sweet, and graceful.  But disrespect her, or try to take advantage of her, and people will realize – this woman won’t stand to be walked over!  She won’t scream, curse, flick anyone off or become nasty in any way, but she will let the person know that’s just NOT the way to treat a lady.  A true woman won’t let a man disrespect her and continue to give him whatever he wants – sex, food, attention, whatever.  If a man doesn’t shape up, she will just let him ship out!  And she won’t cry over it, either.  She knows she deserves the best.  But a woman with true respect for herself probably has the guy’s heart wrapped around her finger so well that he’ll eventually do anything to win her back.:)

So if anyone ever criticizes, disrespects, hurts or looks down on you, remember: remain velvet on the outside.  Don’t return the spite or become hard or nasty, but instead keep your composure and dignity (sometimes this means having childlike anger, especially if it’s toward your husband).  But inside, be an unshakable tower of self-respect and love.

Feminine women who can display vulnerability, softness, grace, etc. and yet cannot be made to feel bad about themselves command the highest level of respect and are truly courageous and strong.  This is the kind of strength men worship and highly respect in women…and these women will change the world’s stereotyped image of femininity as weakness.

I’ve made a list of 53 things I believe can help you feel more feminine.  Some are unique, others are more like simple reminders;)  Not all will apply to or appeal to you, and that’s fine.  This list is like a buffet, where you pick what looks good and try them:)  Also, some don’t seem to relate to femininity directly, but to general self-improvement; this is because femininity goes far beyond what you wear or how you act.  True femininity equally consists of having a good character and a beautiful heart.

1. Update your plain chap stick to lip gloss or chap stick that’s tinted, glossy, shimmery, plumping (if it has peppermint oil it’s actually naturally plumping, as peppermint oil invigorates  blood flow), and/or has a nice smell.

2. Stop swearing.

3. Cook or bake something delicious for someone/others (not just for yourself) :)  And not just anything, like macaroni & cheese, but something a little challenging!

4. Try a long, wavy hairdo.

5. Wear more feminine colors, like pink or lavender; feminine colors are any colors guys usually avoid.

6. Try a cosmetic product you usually don’t use – if you never wear lipstick, try it!  If you usually don’t wear blush, put some on!  Curl your lashes, define your brows, try liquid liner, whatever is new or unusual.  Sometimes the simplest things make the biggest difference, and you may fall in love with a new discovery.

7. Wear a skirt, dress, or heels.

8. If you’re tired, take a nap for goodness’ sake!

9. Stop wearing unfitted, unisex t-shirts or any unisex clothing.  Especially baggy sweatpants.

10. If you wear your hair up all the time, try wearing it down.

11. If you wear glasses all the time, try switching to contacts. Paired with made-up eyes, you can feel really pretty.

12. Hang out with girly girl friends instead of guy friends who treat you like “one of the guys.” Do girly things like shop at the mall or have long talks.  If you don’t have many girl friends – MAKE SOME!  This isn’t to say hanging out with guys takes away your femininity; it depends on what KIND of guys, whether they’re the kind who treat women like ladies, or women like they’re sex objects, the “lesser” sex, or other horrendous things.

13. Spray on cinnamon/vanilla scents. These are supposedly the most attractive scents to guys; they associate these smells with “love.”

14. Wear girly/sexy bras and underwear. Even if no one else sees them, you can feel more girly (and mysterious, as if you have a delicious secret:)).

15. Wear jewelry and accessories.  Replace fake pearl jewelry with real ones!

16. Replace sneakers with cute boots or flats. These can be just as comfortable and much more feminine.

17. Generously and sincerely compliment people.  Learn what “kinds” of compliments really make men feel good, and what kinds make women feel good – become a professional at making people feel really, really good!

18. Be polite. Say things like, “Thank you,” “Excuse me,” “Have a nice day.”

19. Stop picking your skin – cuticles, pimples, dry lips, etc.

20. Display positive, friendly body language. Keep your hands open instead of balling them into fists, keep arms apart instead of crossing them, smile, make eye contact, breathe slowly and deeply whenever you start to stress, laugh, stop tapping/fidgeting/twitching/scratching, etc.

21. Don’t share vulgar or dirty humor.

22. Wear clothes that have frills, lace, bows/ribbon, gathers, or ruffles.

23. Walk around with a book on your head to improve posture:)

24. Use shampoo and conditioner with a really strong, feminine smell so that your hair smells irresistible, especially when damp (I’ve heard guys like when a woman’s hair smells good over a girl who just smells good because of perfume).

25. Sit somewhere comfy with a blanket and some hot tea, and read a good romance novel:)

26. Play some really girly songs and sing and dance to them!  Have fun and let loose!

27. Be “housewife-ish.” Clean your room. Do the dishes, the laundry. Tidy up the living room. Put some flowers on a table. You will feel a little more respect for yourself, and anyone you live with will appreciate you.

28. Learn HOW to put on makeup so you look and feel good. Especially perfect the “natural” look, as this is the one you should most use, and which men generally like best.  Youtube videos are a great place to start, and from there, just experiment. It’s an art, you won’t perfect it in a day.

29. Redecorate your room so it looks feminine.

30. Buy some real, pretty plants or flowers to place around the home and take care of them. Studies have even shown that plants in a living environment can raise your happiness level.

31. In the shower, use your hands instead of a loofah to wash your body. Maybe it sounds weird, but this helps me get in touch with my body.  It’s a gentle reminder that my body is alive, beautiful, and working hard to take care of me.:)

32. If you are looking for a new job, get one where you will be encouraged to dress well and stylishly, and where you will be surrounded by lots of other women. Also, the more feminine the industry the better – clothing, cosmetics, crafts, etc. Avoid fast food restaurants, any place that requires significant physical work, and any place where you’re basically allowed to wear whatever you want (and where you notice the employees take advantage of this – by practically wearing pajamas!).  This basically applies to young women who just need to work while they’re studying for their degree, etc. Office jobs can be good too, because you’re usually encouraged to look professional.  Just be careful not to look too stiff or serious, and instead, wear clothing that’s feminine AND professional.  If you normally wear pant suits to work, try skirt suits.

33. Watch how you talk. If you talk fast, slow down. If you mumble, speak clearly. If you use a low voice, practice using your head voice. If you talk too much, listen more! If people can barely hear you, speak up.

34. Watch a good chick flick.  Cry when there’s a sad scene!  Express your happiness when something cute and romantic happens!

35. Next time you pass by a pet store, go inside! Look at the cute puppies and animals and let yourself go ga-ga over them.

36. STOP gossiping, criticizing, and complaining. Whenever you feel the urge to, just KEEP SILENT.  It might be hard, but it’s worth it.  Start seeing the good in people and in your life instead; there’s no need to have give and take with ugliness.  It will not make you a better person.  And, if people associate you with negativity, they won’t want to be around you; they might even be scared to get to know you, and you, them.

37. Get some girly pajamas. Try to avoid pants and a top, unless the pattern, material, design, etc. is very feminine. I highly recommend night gowns. If you’re married, the sexier the better!

38. Drop cynicism – cynical sarcasm, jokes, comments.

39. Hum.

40. Replace gum with something like Ice Breakers or Altoids; chewing gum looks unattractive.  If you’re extremely attached to gum, switching to a cinnamon gum is a bit of a step up for two reasons: men love the smell of cinnamon (they associate it with love) AND it actually makes your breath fresher by killing the bacteria in your mouth instead of just covering it up.

41. Shave your legs, even in the winter when you don’t “have” to.

42. Don’t depend on showing lots of skin, cleavage, etc. to get attention as a woman.  Focus on your aura, attitude, the way you hold yourself, and the style of your clothes instead.

43. Take a long, hot bath by candlelight and soothing music.  There are many things you can put in your bath to feel feminine, such as essential oils, sweet-smelling bubble bath solution (bubble bath solution made for children have very strong scents and big bubbles – choose strawberry or some other very girly smell), rose petals, epsom salt (relaxes muscles, can be bought cheap at Walmart), and there are lots of products made especially for baths (I especially recommend Burt’s Bees and Bath & Body Works)

44. Wear earrings every day, even if they’re just studs.

45. Take smaller bites.  Chew more slowly.

46. Spend time with really cute little kids. Especially happy little girls who LOVE BEING girly, and have no shame immersing themselves in girly things and activities – Barbies, Disney princesses, dress-up, pink, singing, baby animals, glitter, twirling around in frilly skirts, etc.

47. Keep a diary.  Diaries help you get in touch with your emotions and clear your mind.  My brother just shared with me that he thinks it’s cute when girls write in diaries.

48. Donate to a charity or cause that helps those for whom your heart is sincerely concerned.  Or even better, volunteer your time.  Charity is an essential trait in a truly feminine woman.

49. If you smoke, try to avoid smoking in front of men.  Of course, quitting is the best choice but isn’t exactly “simple.”  For my brother, smoking is THE most unattractive thing women do.

50. If you’re normal, you probably almost daily see and interact with people outside your home.  So, wear makeup daily!  Even if it’s just enough for you to be able to look in the mirror and  not think, “I look so ______ (ugly, plain, scary, old, tired, you fill in the blank).”

51. Wear nail polish 24-7, even if it’s just clear or cream-colored.  Rich, red nail polish is especially sexy & feminine for fancy occassions.

52. Don’t listen to rap, heavy metal, screamo, or anything of the like.  Even rock is unfeminine; it’s fine to like, but shouldn’t be the only thing you listen to.

53. Read Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin and learn the core principles of true femininity.

Hope this helps in your exciting, healing journey to becoming a beautiful, feminine woman!

Here is a testimony I found online of a girl who determined to become girly and reached her goal in 1 month! You go girl!

Link: Look more girly

“To me, being a female is an honor. I feel blessed (not saying that being a male is terrible, and you shouldn’t feel blessed if you are one), and I have a lot of fun playing my feminine role. Make-up, clothing, boys and and other stuff is fun, but it is just a surface part of it. I want to FEEL like a woman. I want to embrace the power, that we, as women have. Being beautiful, strong, powerful, and still a gentle female is what I want to live my life by.” -wearegalaxies

I watched this movie when I was 15 and thought it the most boring thing in the world. I rewatched it the other day and fell in love.

You know, this movie is SUCH a great example of the Angelic and Human sides F.W. talks about!

Scarlett embodies the human side like no one else: she’s charming, girly, cute, flirty, and whenever she’s mad or upset (or just faking it) her poutiness is so adorable that Rhett Butler could never resist it, even when HE was very mad at her.

However, she almost completely lacks the Angelic side, making her selfish, mean, arrogant, stubborn, manipulative, ungrateful, bossy, immature, and a host of other things.

Melanie, on the other hand, perfectly embodies the Angelic side. She is sweet and unconditionally loving to everyone, and in turn is loved by the whole town. People respect her, value her opinions, want to be around her. She never, ever judges or desires ill will toward Scarlett, even after she catches Scarlett being held by her husband Ashley.

It becomes apparent how important the Human side is, though, when Ashley (Melanie’s husband) struggles to resist Scarlett’s temptations. If Melanie had a charming and childlike side like Scarlett, Ashely would never have been so tempted. Luckily, Melanie’s Angelic side is strong enough, and Ashley a good enough man, to not fall for Scarlett. Instead he holds on to the beautiful, mature love he shares with Melanie.

I think in general, the Human side is required to really attract and catch a man, but the Angelic side is necessary to create strong, lasting bonds based on trust and unselfishness. Of course, a man who’s woman doesn’t have much of a charming side will be a little miserable and bored, which is dangerous and could mean he’ll start looking at other women. And can you blame a man for being disappointed if, when he first met a woman, she was charming, adorable, girly, etc. but as soon as they got married, had kids and so on, she started only acting “mature” and “good”? I mean, that woman wouldn’t even be the same one he married.  Lots of women change in this way, but it’s very important to retain girlishness even as we age.

I highly recommend watching this movie, as there’s a lot to learn from both female characters.

Oh boy. Have I been having some bad days lately!

They start off subtle. A lecture you hear that doesn’t quite flow with your core beliefs, advice from a caring friend that sounds…anything but helpful, your girlfriends’ casual conversations about wanting to become engineers, bio-chemists, etc.

These days are filled with pain, fear, sadness, confusion…I have no desire to see anyone, but usually I have no choice. At some point I break down. I lock myself in my bedroom and bawl my eyes out, pray to God in desperate, woe-to-me moans, and feel I’ll never be desirable or attractive again. And sometimes they don’t even happen anywhere NEAR the time of the month!

These days STINK.

But guess what? They PASS. They always pass.

I used to not let them pass, actually. I’d think, if I have days like this, there must be something wrong with me, something wrong with the way I think. I have to figure out what’s wrong with my thinking and fix it! So, I’d become obsessed with how to fix my thoughts. I probably don’t need to tell you this habit kept me from moving on to happier thoughts and happier days.

Next time you have a bad day, have a bad day. Let it be a really terrible, disgusting day. And when it’s over, it’s over. Maybe this “day” will actually be two days, or two hours. But it will pass, and when you start feeling better, stop caring about the stupid thoughts that made you feel so yucky. It won’t make you a better person. All you can do is give those negative thoughts to God, and ask Him to help you never believe them again.

Another very important point: When you’re having a bad day like this, it can be VERY HARD to stay feminine. Especially if you’re new to practicing Fascinating Womanhood. It can be almost impossible to have childlike anger, to cry in a vulnerable, trusting way, and to not appear to be a “hysterical woman” (Remember this quote from Fascinating Womahood? “There is nothing which so frustrates a man as a hysterical woman.”). If you’re finding it TOO HARD to be feminine due to the strength of your negative emotions, stay away from your husband and children as much as you can. Especially your husband. If you’ve read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, you’ll remember that all men have “caves”; they go into these caves when they need to process their strong emotions and thoughts. They want to stay away from people, and when they come out, they’re back to their normal, loving selves. So create a cave for YOURSELF! Because showing your man your “hysterical woman” side can damage your relationship, as well as your self-esteem.

Of course, the best things you can do are 1) Be able to stay feminine and vulnerable even in your deepest, darkest moments, so that you can bring out the caring protector in your husband, who will help you get through it, and 2) Talk to a GIRL friend about your feelings. God MADE women much, much better at handling emotionally-charged issues than men, so not only can talking with a fellow female about your problems be safe (won’t damage your marriage), it can also just be plain SMARTER! Maybe talk to your mother; no one else in my life can handle my pity-me-my-life-is-so-terrible moments as my mother can. She is patient and doesn’t judge me, even when I start annoying myself with how ungrateful and negative I’m being! Be careful about being someone who only whines about her life, though; you will eventually make those good friends you go to not want to be around you, and not want to be your friend, as they’ll feel you’re only using them.

Praying to God helps a lot, but often, even after I’ve prayed, it’s not an instant fixer-upper. God never does anything at OUR pace. Sometimes we just have bad days, and they last a certain while and that’s that. Don’t feel bad that you have moments where you feel so unattractive you don’t want anyone to see you. You don’t HAVE to think, “Well, he’s my husband, he should see me at my worst and still accept me and love me.” He should, but at the same time, and depending on the way you’re handling yourself or what kind of damage was done, it’s possible nothing he does can make you feel better. No amount of loving words, affection, etc. Like I said, some things take time, and maybe only God’s help (remember, a husband can never replace God, so don’t expect him to). It’s also possible that showing your husband your ugly mood (and not just a sad/angry mood) will lower his respect and desire for you, even if just temporarily. Then you’ll have to make up for later.

Once a day like this passes, the sun is beautiful once more and you’ll again feel good about life and yourself (granted you’ve been working on being a positive person). So let the good days define you, and the bad days fade away.:)

How and why could a single, 21-year-old girl feel so strongly about the principles in Fascinating Womanhood?  It’s simple.  I have observed my parents.  And when I started reading Fascinating Womanhood at 20, all the pieces of my parent’s broken relationship started to fall together.

Let me tell you my story – or rather, my parents’.

When I was 11, my family moved from Hawaii, where my dad had a steady job, to Kentucky, where my mother’s family lived.  It was a mutual decision based on their desire to be closer to friends and family.

Difficulties started when my Japanese father couldn’t find a decent job – it’s very hard for a middle-aged Japanese man who doesn’t speak perfect English to find a good job in hick Kentucky.  He worked at grocery stores, tried this business and that, but eventually our family got in deep debt.  So my mother started working full time.

Now, before my mother started working, she was not only a full-time wife, mother, and housekeeper, but a home school teacher as well, to me and my younger brothers.  She was very excited about teaching us this, taking us here, and helping us truly experience life.  She cooked meals daily and kept the house a warm, loving place.  I was a very happy girl.

Almost immediately after she started working, our home became filled with a strange new sense of sadness and loss.  My brothers and I ached for the presence of our mother, of which we’d had our whole lives till then.  My mother started struggling a lot and became consumed in her own pain and problems, and stopped being able to emotionally support me or my brothers as she used to.

Over the years my parent’s stress over money turned to screaming arguments, threats, and every kind of emotional abuse.  My mother continued to work full-time to help pay off the debt, and became bitter, impatient, restless, griping, defensive, aggressive, and of course, more unhappy. My father became the scariest person in my life, someone I had to walk on eggshells around.  To try to make things better he eventually moved our family to Chicago, where he was offered a good, steady job.

Things are much calmer now, and my parents aren’t as bad as they were then.  They can live under the same roof without raising their voices, and try to treat each other like human beings.  However, my mother has decided to leave my father for good to live a freer, independent, and more exciting life.

This is their basic story…Obviously, neither understood the principles in Fascinating Womanhood or Man of Steel and Velvet, and the result was choices that led to extreme unhappiness for an entire family and failure to keep their marriage together.

I have learned from my parents how valuable it truly is when a man can provide for his family, and a woman can safely focus on the home.  It allows a man to be a man, and to feel fulfilled, powerful, and proud of himself, and allows a woman the space and time to be a lovely, secure, warm, happy wife, mother and homemaker.  Not that a woman can’t do anything besides staying at home, but that especially while she has children with many needs, it IS her priority, her full-time job, her career.  I truly hope that by following Fascinating Womanhood, I can create a beautiful atmosphere in my home for my husband and children to find comfort, safety, joy and love in, always and forever:)  I truly thank Fascinating Womanhood for reviving my hope and confidence in being able to create this, and in helping me forgive my parents for their unfortunate, but very understandable, mistakes.

I’ve decided I think real women are not shy around cameras.

Being shy around a camera, and not wanting to have one’s candid picture taken, denotes a woman is insecure about her appearance, and places too much value on it and what others think of it.  She doesn’t want to risk having an unflattering photo taken of her, a photo others may see and use to judge how beautiful or not they find her.

A secure woman doesn’t LIKE unflattering photos taken of herself, but she knows they’re just the capturing of a split second in time.  They don’t define her.  If others choose to look at pictures of her and judge her based on them – well, they’re not worth her time or worry.

Ladies, you’re so much more than how you look.  Guess what a man will be attracted to, more than a flattering picture of you?  A girl who can look at an unflattering picture of herself and laugh.  This shows confidence and self-love.

If you’re camera-shy, you’re not the only one.  I have a long way to go before I’m confident, too!  But really, a camera is just a bunch of metal and electronic parts.  Don’t you think it’s silly to be scared of such a thing?  To freak out when someone points it at you?  If someone is walking around, taking pictures or recording videos with a camera, just live in the moment.  Don’t worry about whether the camera will capture your “best” side or whatnot.  Don’t live in a world defined by the images they capture of you.  You’re so much more.

Let’s be like innocent children, who have absolutely no fear of cameras but in fact love them!  They’re just little hams, making faces and posing.  They revel in looking at the pictures taken of them and laughing their heads off when they look silly.  Children understand that what you look like doesn’t matter that much – it’s how much fun you have, and just enjoying being yourself.  Let’s be like that:)